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All reviews - Movies (3)

CALIGULA REVIEW *CONTAINS SPOILERS*

Posted : 1 year, 3 months ago on 19 August 2008 05:08 (A review of Caligula)

WELL WHERE DO I BEGIN,IT IS AN IMPORTANT MOVIE IN FILM HISTORY BECAUSE THERE IS NO OTHER MOVIE LIKE CALIGULA NOR SHALL THERE BE A MOVIE LIKE CALIGULA EVER AGAIN IN THE HISTORY OF FILM. IN CASE U DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOVIE IS PART PORN, IT FEATURES A PLOT(NOT A VERY GOOD ONE)AND BIG NAME ACTORS LIKE MALCOLM MCDOWELL, PETER O'TOOLE, HELEN MIRREN AND JOHN GIELGUD. ITS THE ONLY MOVIE TO EVER MIX FAMOUS ACTORS WITH HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY ON SUCH AN EPIC SCALE. THE FILM IS NEARLY 3 HOURS OF POWER HUNGRY MADNESS. THE STORY IS ABOUT THE RISE AND FALL OF CALIGULA AS HE BECOMES RULER OF PAGAN ROME. THERE IS ONE SCENE OF JOY IN THE BEGINNING AND THEN THATS IT BUCKLE YOUR SEATBELT,AS CALIGULA GAINS POWER OVER THE ROMAN EMPIRE IT THEN STARTS TO CORRUPT HIM AND SO HE EMBARKS ON MANY ACTS OF CRUELTY, CALIGULA MAINLY KILLS HIS INNOCENT VICTIMS OUT OF BOREDOM OR JUST FOR THE FUN OF SEEING SOMEONE DIE A SLOW DEATH. MALCOLM MCDOWELL'S PERFORMANCE IS VERY BELIEVABLE AND STRIKING, HE PLAYS THAT CRAZY MOTHER FUCKER TO A TEE (WELL I SHOULDN'T SAY MOTHER FUCKER BECAUSE CALIGULA HAS A THREESOME WITH HIS SISTER AND HIS WIFE! A LITTLE GROSS AND WEIRD!), NO ONE PLAYS A VICIOUS PYSCO LIKE MALCOLM MCDOWELL. PETER O'TOOLE PLAYS CALIGULA'S OLD ASSHOLE GRANDPA WHO IS JUST AS BRUTAL AS CALIGULA, HELEN MIRREN IS PRETTY DAMN HOTT IN THIS MOVIE, IT BEING 1979, AND JOHN GIELGUD KILLS HIMSELF WITHIN THE FIRST 30 MINUTES. THE PLOT SOLEY FOCUSES ONLY ON THE ATROCITIES DONE BY CALIGULA RATHER THAN HIS LIFE STORY AND THE HARDCORE PORN THROWN IN BY PENTHOUSE CREATOR BOB GUCCIONE DOESN'T FURTHER OR HELP THE STORY ONE BIT. THE PORN IN THIS ISN'T EVEN "EROTIC" IT DOESN'T TURN U ON AT ALL, IT JUST KIND OF SHOWS IT TO U. THIS HAD POTENTIAL TO BE A VERY VERY GREAT FILM HAD IT HAVE A BETTER PLOT, MINUS THE PORN AND A LESS DEPRESSING ENDING (IN WHICH CALIGULA, HIS WIFE , DAUGHTER AND FRIEND ARE ALL BRUTALLY MURDERED, EVEN THOUGH HE DESERVED TO DIE.) ITS A GOOD MOVIE BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN SOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER, BUT ITS UNLIKE ANYTHING U HAVE EVER SEEN BEFORE, IF U ARE A FILM BUFF THAN THIS IS A MUST SEE.

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UNDER RATED AND OVER RATED AT THE SAME TIME

Posted : 1 year, 3 months ago on 8 August 2008 08:16 (A review of Scarface)

SOME PEOPLE MAY WONDER HOW THIS COULD BE BOTH UNDER RATED AND OVER RATED, WELL MOST PEOPLE LIKE SCARFACE AND PRAISE IT JUST FOR BEING SCARFACE, ITS SUPPOSED TO BE COOL FOR EVERYONE TO LIKE IT EVEN IF U HAVE NEVER SEEN IT. IT SHOULD BE APPRECIATED FOR ITS TOUR DE FORCE PERFORMANCE BY PACINO OR ITS GREAT DIRECTION BY DEPALMA OR OLIVER STONE'S DETAILED SCRIPT ABOUT A PISS POOR IMMIGRANT WHO MAKES HIS WAY TO THE TOP, THE SCRIPT DE-GLORIFIES BEING A DRUG DEALER BY HAVING EVERYONE IN THE BUSINESS GETT WASTED OR ARRESTED IN BLOODY WAYS, AT NO POINT WAS THE VIOLENCE GLAMORIZED. THIS FILM FLOPPED AT THE BOX OFFICE WHEN FIRST RELEASED, AND OVER MANY YEARS HAS GROWN INTO EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE GANGSTER FILM JUST FOR BEING SCARFACE. TAKE TIME TO REALLY ANALYSE THIS FILM FOR THE TRUELY GREAT QUALITIES IT POSSESES.

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A PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT

Posted : 1 year, 3 months ago on 7 August 2008 01:45 (A review of Braddock: Missing in Action III)

IS IT JUST ME OR IS CHUCK NORRIS THE SINGLE WORST ACTOR OF ALL TIME, HIS ACTING STYLE IS THAT OF A STONEY ROBOT. ALTHOUGH CHUCK NORRIS IS A HELL OF A NICE GUY ALWAYS DONATING TO CHARITIES AND SUCH, BUT, HIS BROTHER THAT DIED IN VIETNAM MUST HAVE BEEN ROLLING OVER IN HIS GRAVE WHILE THE CHEEZY BULLSHIT M.I.A. MOVIES WERE FILMED. I'M SORRY CHUCK BUT THIS WHOLE SERIES OF MOVIES IS JUST ARTLESS TRASH TRYING TO MAKE MONEY OFF OF A TIRED FRANCHISE. IF U REALLY WANT TO SEE GOOD VIETNAM MOVIES I RECOMMEND: PLATOON, THE DEER HUNTER, APOCALYPSE NOW, AND BORN ON THE 4TH OF JULY

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